Thank you.

Firstly, thank you for such an awesome surprise. I was totally shocked and touched. Couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Love you people so much. It is getting tougher to leave because I don't want to leave such awesome people behind. Why don't they invent a shrinking machine? Cause then I will shrink all of you and bring you along. Gonna miss you all like crazy. And also thanks for all the awesome gifts. Loved it all. I feel so blessed. I am such a spoilt kid. Pampered and truly loved. Ahaha. Thank you for taking time off your weekend to celebrate my nineteenth birthday. Truly a wonderful birthday. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you for being there for me (:

Thoughts.

Dear friend,

I just can't give you all the attention you need.

Please remove all the insecurity you have in your heart.

Stop unleashing your anger one me.

Stop driving me up the wall!

Dear second friend,
Stop pretending to be a nice girl and satisfy the whole entire world.

You are being so darn fake and I can't take it anymore.

I am starting to see a whole new side of you that is so mind blastingly scary.

You live to satisfy God and nobody else.

Dear third friend,

I don't even know if our friendship is real anymore.

You pretend like you care but I got a feeling that deep down you actually don't care.

Everything with you is just so fake and unreal.

I really hate the new you!

Dear fourth friend,

Thanks for the wonderful time spent together.
It was great that we have bonded so well throughout 2009.

It's amazing how we share the same taste in almost everything.

I am gonna miss you like crazy.

P/s : My fourth friend, remember 4 and a snooker ball. Oh yes its you I am talking about (:

For the rest continue guessing.

Breaking walls.

When people get hurt, they "build" a wall around their hearts hoping that they will be able to keep their heart secured and try their best in making sure that their heart won't get broken again. Well at least they try or rather at least we all try to do that. But I am quite sure that all of us realise that, it is almost impossible to prevent hurt unless you are a robot or a heartless person. Getting hurt is a very painful process and it takes a long time to recover but it all depends on the human being of course. Recently I realise that I have been neglecting some people that I have been close with almost all my life and it caused a lot of damage in our relationship. I tried to repair our relationship but then I realise that it's a little to late cause the damage has been done. It really feels as if they have slipped away from your life and they remove you from theirs. Why does this happen? And what am I suppose to do now? Everytime I try talking to that person, she just shuts me off. Avoids answering my question and I know there are so many things going on in her life that she wants to tell me about. So many things are going on but I don't know a thing. I can't even talk to her anymore. Those walls around her heart are just too high and I can't get in. Suddenly I feel so left aside, and there are so many thoughts in my brain but I just can't let it out. This blog is all I have and this is the only place I can say what I want to say without feeling the need to twist my words in order to not offend anyone. And this is one of the reason why I changed my link again. Everyone keeps telling me "ai-li talk to her" and I feel like screaming back to them cause I tried, I really really tried but she doesn't let me in. The gap is getting bigger every second and there is no way to overcome that. Right now, I dunno what to feel, I dunno what to say. I don't even know where I stand in her heart anymore. What's going to happen to us? I don't know. All I can say now is I don't know anything at all. Nobody understands except for God of course. I am tired, I really am and all these things are just making me more tired. And misery just carries on. Goodnight everyone.